One issue that has recently gained interest in the news recently is the topic of conversion therapy also know as reparative therapy. This method of psychotherapy, discredited by the American Psychological Association (APA), is aimed to change an individual’s sexuality or gender expression.

Another facet that has exposed this issue is the November election with vice-president elect Mike Pence. According to a New York Times article on conversion therapy, Pence has been criticized by various groups for his record against gay and transgender rights and for his support of conversion therapy. It should be noted that a spokesman for Mike Pence denies that Pence supports this therapy stating that comments attributed to Pence were taken out of context.

Historically, in 1973, the American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders from its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) based on “the weight of empirical data, coupled with changing social norms and the development of a politically active gay community in the United States,” stated on the University of  California-Davis Rainbow website.

The APA supported the decision and has worked extensively to erase this stigma. Other organizations who oppose this therapy include: American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry, American Academy of Pediatrics, American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, American College of Physicians, American Counseling Association, American Medical Association, American Psychoanalytic Association, American School Counselor Association, American School Health Association, National Association of Social Workers, Pan American Health Organization (PAHO): Regional Office of the World Health Organization, Just the Facts Coalition  (American Academy of Pediatrics, American Association of School Administrators, American Counseling Association, American Federation of Teachers, American Psychological Association, American School Counselor Association, American School Health Association, Interfaith Alliance Foundation, National Association of School Psychologists, National Association of Secondary School Principals, National Association of Social Workers, national Education Association, School Social Work Association of America)

Six states bar state mental health professionals from the practice of conversion therapy. These states include: California, Illinois, New Jersey, New York, Oregon, and Vermont, according to the NCLR. More than 20 other states have introduced legislation to ban this practice.

The Human Rights Campaign has reported that Conversion Therapy does not work and can be dangerous, especially to minors, leading to depression, anxiety, drug use, homelessness, and suicide.  According to a study in the journal Pediatrics, teens who experienced rejection from family members regarding their gender identity were 8.4 times likely to attempt suicide and 5.9 more times to experience depression.

That is why it’s so important people know what really happens to kids forced into situations like this.  

I got the chance to sit down with someone who experienced this treatment to learn what happens during “Conversion  Therapy.” Because of the sensitive nature of this issue and to protect the identity of this student, the Editorial Staff will not publish her name.

Tell us a little about yourself.
I’m a student,  I’m catholic, and I was raised loving God. It wasn’t until I was 9 that I realized I also loved girls. It wasn’t anything traumatic, I just held hands with my very best friend, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I thought I was just having fun. It was innocent. I didn’t even know that  I could be gay until I was 12. I’d never heard the word. Slowly I started to piece everything together. I figured it out and told my parents that I thought I was gay. They screamed at me for hours about how I was going to burn in hell, and that they would never let “a monster like me” live under their roof. They told me that they would fix me. I remember praying to God to let my parents still love me. I was so scared they’d kill me if I went to sleep. I just prayed like all night. The next morning they drove me to conversion therapy.

How old were you when you were sent to conversion therapy?
I was 12 when I got there and 13 when I left. I spent a birthday there, I wasn’t there for like a whole year.

How long were you there for?
Almost nine months.

Didn’t you miss school?
A lot of school. But my parents thought it was worth it I guess.

Did you know where you were being sent?
No, my parents told me that my aunt who lived in Indiana was sick, so we were going to go visit her.

Do you mind describing what the place looked like?
Hell. I like can’t even describe it any other way you know? It was literally just my own version of hell.  

What happened when you arrived?
My parents took me into the building and then I sat in a chair for a few hours in until a lady came to get me. It was then I realized my parents had left me there. The woman took me into this office and then I waited for a while more. Then a priest came in, and I remember I felt relieved because I was raised to trust priests. I thought I was safe. He started talking to me, and I realized that I was totally not safe with him. He started saying the same kinds of things I heard my parents say. He told me that he would cure me. Later that night I wasn’t allowed to sleep. It made me way more emotionally vulnerable so they could mess with me.

When did you realize what was happening?
Pretty quickly to be honest. Probably right around the time the people stopped calling me my name and only referred to me as Faggot.

What was the program like?
This is kinda fuzzy they told me that after I hadn’t slept in a while so I don’t really remember what they told me sorry. I remember like a tiny little bit is all.

 Do you remember the general idea of the program?
Yeah. They explained that the first part was meant to make me hate myself. Not in those words but I think it was something like deconstruct the foul parts of me. And then the second part was meant to rebuild me in the way God wants me to be. Not many people made it to the second part though because a lot of people killed themselves. I saw a lot of people die.

Can you tell us about what you were told?
Like how they deconstructed me?

Yes, if you don’t mind.
Yeah, um, so they wouldn’t call me by my name, and um that was really dehumanizing. I was just a Faggot to them.

What kind of things did you experience?
I was told that I was wrong and broken and that God could never love me how I was. They said that I had to change or that I would be killed by the government. The “doctors” told me that I was there weren’t any gay people in the world and that I was all alone. They said I had gotten AIDS. They told me only the therapy could cure me. I was only 12. I thought that it was wrong to love people. It was so so scary.

Can you tell us about the kinds of “therapy” you received?
It’s called aversion therapy. I had to watch videos of two girls hugging while I held ice cubes and if you closed your eyes to not watch the people would shock you. They would hit you if you cried at all. They also kept me awake for long times and would wake me up in the middle of the night. I was screamed at everyday I was there. It hurt so much, I still have these flashbacks when I think about it. I don’t like people touching me to this day. I still feel wrong when I get a crush on someone. It messed me up so much. I just want to be normal. I just wanted to be loved. I’m sorry, excuse me.

It was at this point I decided to end the interview, as it became clear to me that it would hurt my source to continue to speak about their experiences. The fact that my source broke down and cried just from thinking about her past speaks volumes in and of itself.

The Southern Poverty Law Center lists nearly 70 professional therapists throughout the United States who offer this therapy . The NARTH Institute an advocacy group of conversion therapy offers information and referrals.

In short, conversion therapy is a dangerous and unsupported way of turning a child from a happy functioning person into an anxiety ridden depressed victim. This is a very real, very important, issue that has to be addressed now. If change doesn’t happen soon, vulnerable minors will be at risk for abuse. This has to change or there will be more deaths, more suicides, more kids that won’t ever feel loved. We must protect our children at all costs.