Serious Senioritis Outbreak Strikes Regina Dominican

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Ann Schultz and Liz Loeher

BREAKING: Sixty cases of acute senioritis have just been reported at the high school campus.

Numerous seniors have reported symptoms of lethargy, lack of motivation, giving up, and dismissive attitude. When asked to describe her symptoms, one Regina student was quoted as saying, “It’s like…. like…. what was the question again?”

The senior then declined to comment further, citing that to come up with an answer was “just too much work.”

Doctors are predicting a typical senioritis outbreak this year but commented that this year’s Senioritis season has been particularly bad and is happening much sooner.

“We’ve never seen an epidemic this large this early in the year,” said one doctor. Doctors are trying to predict how this will affect students throughout the rest of the school year. Many do not see a favorable outcome. Scientists have discovered a few rare cases of juniors, sophomores and even freshmen catching Senioritis, but these have been primarily at Loyola Academy and Resurrection High School.

Experts agree that one favorite cure of Senioritis is to exempt seniors from any upcoming finals. However, in recent years, this cure is no longer a viable solution due to the resistance from teachers and administrators. Thus, a spike in Senioritis as more and more seniors fall victim to this crippling disease each year.

To alleviate the symptoms, doctors suggest getting plenty of sleep, eating a lot of food, drinking even more water and taking time to relax, even watching some Netflix at the expense of studying.

This is a developing story and The Jester will keep you updated on this outbreak in the following weeks.

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